Archive for the 'shit' Category

20
Jan
11

Euphoria gig?

Okay,  so I went to this “free” gig last night and the headlining (also the only) band was “Euphoria“. Indian Rock/sufi/indie pop/shit rock/(put any random insulting word along with rock) band had come down to perform in some dentistry school, which I had never heard of until one of my friend got in there (that’s last year). It was almost 25 km away, none of us had money for the fuel. Which resulted into me scratching my card despite knowing that I’m never gonna get that money back ! 😦

We were surprised to see that the whole road was filled with parked cars on both the sides. I wonder people are really crazy that they come this far in cold to such stupid acts. Nevermind. Now, at the gate, there were two bouncers, too. :O (later, in the gig, I even saw a security guy with gun residing in the wallet, whatever it’s called, just like one they show in those fancy CID shows, one underneath armpit) . As we entered there was helluva crowd shouting and cheering and I was like wtf. That guy was literally shouting and singing off note.

The stage set up and lighting was really amazing. Sound sucked, so did the band. Bass guitar was not at all audible (I doubt whether he was playing or not). There was no melody in the vocals. More over they played stupid covers of hindi songs. A band like Euphoria (apparently a mainstream band), despite having 4 studio albums and 5th one to release, has to play covers of “apni toh paath shaala”, “emotional atyachar” etc. what could be more failure than this !! *sings “mm..mm it makes me wonder” in Robert Plant accent*

I have to admit one thing that Dental college have so many hot chicks, which you can’t hit upon !!

 

Few clarifications :

I wrote this because..

1. Band review was so small that I had to write crap initially

2. To educate those n00bs that rock is something different than what you saw last night

3. Someday Euphoria member (or the whole band) reads this and face the reality

4. I was bored

 

PS-I am so excited about Led Zepplica gig this weekend at IIMA.

Now playing : Gallows Pole – Led Zeppelin

20
Aug
10

two incidents

Incident 1

Yesterday, at my regular visit to college gate for chai. I was slurping chai and I saw a man, 50-ish, cleaning out all those plastic bags, empty Balaji wafer packets and cigarette butts. Apparently I was inside the college premises and chai is delivered through the bars of the gate. The guy was removing all the weed that have grown after recent rains.

He was perspiring and apparently only one to clear such a vast area. So I offered to buy him chai.

“No thanks, I’ll buy with my own earned money !! ” he replied.

I was moved by this answer. A single cutting chai doesn’t cost more than 5 rupees. Yet he was so “imaandaar” that he simply denied the offer !!

I salute such people !!


Incident 2

Again while slurping chai I experienced something disturbing. The Kitli { Tapri for mumbaians} owner was making tea and some random customer came. The owner asked “chhotu” to serve tea to that guy. Chhotu gave him tea and a cigarette. After a while he discuss something with the person sitting next to him. Although i was least interested in what they were talking about. But i could figure out that they were talking about “chhotu”.

I was done with my tea so i went there to pay and heard him saying

“ye bachho log ko khana hi dena bandh karr dena chahiye, tabhi ye saley kaam kartey hai”

“din mein sirf 2 baar hi khana dena chahiye, toh thi unki akal thikane ati hai”

I was shocked to hear this and more sad that people still have such bullshit mentality!!? That kid works there since morning 7 to night 11. That is fucking 16 hour job. And that heartless man says he should be given food only twice a day !! How pitiful.

I really wanted to slap that man so hard at that moment.


{This happened later in the evening, venue had changed}

09
Jul
10

how twilight works

all right guys !! This is something really you’d love reading and will feel more confident when you want to kick some twilight fan’s arse !!

A few weeks ago I had the miserable experience of reading Twilight. A friend bought it for me and I took it with me to read on a long flight from Seattle to Houston. I knew it was going to be crappy, but I thought it would be a guilty pleasure kind of crappy – where you know it’s bad but you still get enjoyment out of it. I actually managed to power through around 400 pages until I gave up and started reading Sky Mall. I’ve been seeing Twilight everywhere lately, especially with Vampire Teens II New Moon’s release, so I thought I’d break down why chicks go apeshit for it.

First off, the author creates a main character which is an empty shell. Her appearance isn’t described in detail; that way, any female can slip into it and easily fantasize about being this person. I read 400 pages of that book and barely had any idea of what the main character looked like; as far as I was concerned she was a giant Lego brick. Appearance aside, her personality is portrayed as insecure, fumbling, and awkward – a combination anyone who ever went through puberty can relate to. By creating this “empty shell,” the character becomes less of a person and more of something a female reader can put on and wear. Because I forgot her name (I think it was Barbara or Brando or something like that), I’m going to refer to her as “Pants” from here on out.

So after a few chapters of listening to Pants whine about high school, sucking at volleyball, and being the center of attention, the second major character is introduced. Imagine everything women want in a man, then exaggerate it by ten thousand – and you’ve got Edward Cullen. The level of detail that the author goes into while describing Edward’s appearance is remarkable. At one point while reading I started counting the number of times the author used the expression “Edward’s perfect face,” and it was far into the double digits. The author excruciatingly details his muscular pecs, clothing, hair, eye color – even his goddamn breath (I’m not joking).

Edward intensely listens to everything Pants has to say, even if she’s bitching about she had diarrhea on Christmas or her preferred method for cutting a sandwich in half. As far as the reader is concerned, Edward cares about nothing in the world more than Pants. What the author has done is created a perfect male figure – a pale Greek statue which the reader can worship and in turn be worshipped by.

So what about men that like Twilight?
If you’re male and you like Twilight, you’re gay. I don’t mean that in the derogatory sense, I mean it in the “you want to put your testicles against another man’s testicles while gripping handfuls of chesthair” kind of way.

And the movie?
The movie is just the same uninspired crap shat out onto a film reel. If you like the taste of horse manure on your bologna sandwiches, you’re probably gonna like it on your birthday cake as well. The same principle applies with Twilight.

Beyond that, it’s just a romance novel with the occasional vampire teen drama bullshit peppered here and there. It doesn’t really break any new ground in the realm of vampire fiction, other than portraying vampires as a family of uncomfortable retards who prance around the woods eating deer and bunny rabbits. There’s lots of nervous lip-biting, tender kisses between Pants and Edward, and lengthy descriptions of every feature of Edward’s body. Pants is a static character who never really progresses beyond being an insecure vampire fangirl who obsesses over Edward. Whether her character grows beyond that is unknown to me, I’d stopped reading by then and shifted my attention to an electric butt-massaging chair in Sky Mall.

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PS – If you don’t want to read the article {which you have already, i suppose}..I’ve video as well..here you go..

The original article could be found here !!

21
May
10

Tips For Young People To Become Normal Again

(blundering language ahead, you have been warned)

Young people don’t know how good they have it. They live in an increasingly inter-connected, exciting world where Sreesanth is a role model, an iPad is considered useful and Pepsi decides to name an entire country after them. Nonetheless, most young people nowadays are illiterate, pretentious, horny and largely clueless. In short, like Tusshar Kapoor. Thus, here is a list of steps they can take to be considered normal.

Stop using “Ma”: I don’t know if you’re fans of Shashi Kapoor movies, but the next time you use “ma” in your sentence, I will shove your teeth so far up your own fucking ass that even a Japanese whaler’s harpoon won’t go deep enough to be able to fish it out. Seriously, is this some faux attempt at proving your love for your mother or did your priest make you miss grammar classes during kindergarten? The word is “my”. Repeat after me.

“My name is Khan, and I’m a lameass actor”

NOT

“Ma name izz Khan, I’m a rockstarrrrr”

And while we’re on the subject, when did “Killer Shit” and “That’s gangster” become part of the lingo to express approval? What the fuck is killer shit anyway? Do you suffer from advanced colitis? Anal cancer? And gangster? You’re telling me this happened because of Shiney Ahuja’s film of the same name? What time between the release of his movie and raping his maid did he bless us all with this ridiculous verbal concoction? Even Inzamam Ul Haq would cringe at such Anand Jon-ification of the language.

Stop LOLing: If you take a walk down some parks early in the morning, you might come across groups of senior citizens holding their stomachs and making loud gratuitous noises. I want you to observe this act very closely. It’s called LAUGHING. NOT LOLing. LAUGHING. Why the fuck cant you laugh at a joke? Why do you have to say “LOL” in a conversation? It’s not a chat room where you’re trying to impress a spambot so that it turns the webcam on for you to jack off. I’m standing IN FRONT OF YOU! Don’t you dare bloody LOL me you son of a bitch! If you want to smile, smile! Don’t say tee hee. If you want to laugh, laugh! Because if you don’t I’m going to rip your tongue out, wipe it down Navjot Sidhu’s asscrack and smack you across the face with it like Xena warrior princess. And stop LOLing at your own jokes. If you have to end your own sentence with a LOL, your shit ain’t funny to begin with.

Stop reading Paulo Coelho: When the hell did Paulo Coelho become the must read author to prove your intellectual chops? Is it the graphic love scenes in Eleven Minutes that turn your nuts to momos? Do you think reading “The Alchemist” is a short cut to become a pharmacist? Don’t stick your stupid Facebook and twitter profiles with Paulo Coelho as your favourite author. It just tells me you don’t really read and just bought one at a train station because everyone seemed to have one and you felt more generous than buying a copy of “Who moved my cheese?”

Stop showing me your boxers: Seriously son, pull those freaking pants up. I DON’T want to see your boxers. And I certainly don’t want to see your Grand Canyon cuz I’m sure as hell not Kobe Bryant looking for some practice free throws. I don’t care if you’re wearing Rupa or Jockey’s. I don’t care if it messes with the chain that you’re hanging across the left side of your parachute pants. I also don’t give a flying Jatayu’s patootie whether it messes with your frumpled hair, your goatee, your black t-shirt and finger sleeves. What the fuck are finger sleeves anyway? Were you trying to measure the perfect condom size or are you a professional kite flyer? Pull those goddamn jeans up and stop showing me your hairy lower back before I call the tow truck and get your ass impounded for indecent exposure.

Stop watching Shah Rukh Khan Movies: No. He is not the greatest actor of our generation and will never be. But then again, your probably believe he drives around Mumbai in a Hyundai i10 as well. Stop crying about him feeling bad that Kolkata lost. Stop telling me My Name is Khan was the greatest bloody movie you ever saw. It only goes to show you have the same IQ as girls who scream in the movie hall every time Bobby Deol makes an appearance.

Stop believing what Arundhati Roy says: Seriously, that bitch will get you shot. If following socialist hotties is your thing, go with Brinda Karat. The worst that might happen then is you will have no friends left.

Stop giving a fuck about the EPL: I’ve said this before and ill say it again. NO ONE gives a fuck about whether you support Man U or Barca. They’re not YOUR team and their success doesn’t mean that YOU won. No matter how many jersey’s you buy from a trip to Thailand or Palika Bazaar, no matter how many soccer shoes you buy and wear at inappropriate places, NO ONE gives a fuck. Find some other goddamn purpose in life than tweet about players whose names you can’t pronounce and who you’ve only been exposed to in FIFA 2007. And don’t you dare rattle off Fabregas’s statistics if you can’t supplement those with Sunil Chhetri’s either.

Stop pretending to be into hip-hop music: Just because your car has a bass tube and you listen to 50 Cent and Afro Man does not mean you love “Rap music”. Go and learn atleast 7 rhymes of Biggie Smalls or Tupac before I bust a cap in yo ass. Stick to rock, its easier to pull off being a fan of Nirvana.

Stop wearing Che Guevera T-Shirts: If the only thing you know is “he was the dude from Motorcycle Diaries”.

Stop wearing tight t-shirts after gymming: Just because you go to the gym and your bicep increased by half an inch doesn’t mean you start wearing body-hugging nipple busting t-shirts and walking like a scarecrow. And take those fucking sunglasses off. Its 8 in the bloody evening and no one will judge you for walking around with a hooker as arm candy anyway!

Stop putting obscure quotes and pictures as your status messages: Seriously, you’re trying to tell me your low attention span excuse for a hamster’s brain was up reading Dante and Nietzsche? Stop faking and pretending to be an intellectual. We all know you just Google quotes on love, success, friendship to try and make sense of your life and give yourself some comfort when the milkshake hits the desert cooler. And for fucks sake, stop quoting people like the CEO of General Motors and other crazy right-wingers. I know language isn’t your thing, but you might want to check the dictionary for “context”. Also, don’t forget to check “Dumbfuck”. You might find your picture next to Shivraj Patil’s.

28
Feb
10

mediocrity

couple of days back, while surfing through channels, i stopped on VH1. My ears found that song much familiar, but not the voice !! I went back and voila !! it was “I want to know what love is” but wait, WTF, Mariah Carey singing it !!

My question is why ? Why a Pop, RnB, hip-hop singer would sing a “all time hit” number !? If you can’t appreciate it, then don’t insult it either !! This shows how such genre and their artists are fucking “sell outs”.

Even mainstream is all “sell out”. When searching this on youtube..This is what i found

Even youtube !! grrrr

Now, keeping that in mind, that you are {yess, you !} a third party reader and you don’t know any of these..here i put both videos and leave it upto you for the judgment




yeah, that’s me

pearls of wisdom

"Apparently people don't like the truth, but I do like it; I like it because it upsets a lot of people. If you show them enough times that their arguments are bullshit, then maybe just once, one of them will say, 'Oh! Wait a minute - I was wrong.' I live for that happening. Rare, I assure you."

Keep an eye

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